Hi! Long time, no blog!
The last time I posted was October which seems like a lifetime ago. Since then I have written a total of four draft blog posts but have never actually got round to posting them. Time to change that... I'm posting this today, but there will be another post tomorrow so check back tomorrow night!
I think the last six months have been life-changing. Though this may be the sort of dramatic sentence you expect to hear from a Performing Arts student, it's not necessarily as dramatic as you might think. I've basically come to know myself better and have really started to trust in my abilities. But it's made all the difference. I entered into this university course with the view that I could 'probably do okay' and 'we'll see what happens'. And this was my view for the whole of the first semester. It took a long time to warm up to university and I now understand why people say the transition to university is difficult. I really struggled at the end of my first semester - not academically but mentally. I was tired and adapting to a world that was very new to me: being an adult. Haha, at least to a degree.
Because I got quite down over December, I decided to take January to focus on me. To focus on eating right, on exercising, on music, art - basically re-discovering those things that make me happiest. It took the whole of January, but it worked. I finally felt that little bit more comfortable with myself again. This was probably helped by the fact that I got a job and started working with some lovely people who never failed to cheer me up in some way or another.
By the time semester two of uni started I felt a lot better. Healthy body, healthy mind is not just a saying - it's true. And it's very important. Going into this semester I decided I would push myself to change those little insecurities that may be holding me back in...well...life. Although I'm not exactly an introvert (at all), I still get nervous about things and what people think of me - as anyone and everyone does. But it was time to triumph that. To not let it hold me back.
As small and insignificant as it seems, when we had the vocal auditions for the show we were doing I volunteered to go second. Usually it's the sort of situation where everyone sits there in silence, nobody volunteering, nobody wanting to go next and the lecturer has to pick someone at random when the awkward silence goes on for too long. But not this time! My volunteering was slightly scary, but made me feel really brave and proved to me that I could. It actually made me wonder why on earth people are so worried about volunteering! I mean, we're going to have to do it anyway - you may as well do it with some enthusiasm, right?
After that tiny moment where I volunteered, I knew I could. And pretty much each time there was an opportunity for me to put myself forward, I took it. Over the semester it's actually given me more opportunity to learn about the roles in theatre and what I'm capable of doing. Yeah, there were definitely more opportunities I probably could have snatched up, but it's a process and it takes time to build confidence. Personally I'm proud that I pushed myself in the moments I did and I am glad that I'm able to recognize the moments I didn't.
So what now? I guess we keep pushing. Pushing ourselves to cross the lines we've been treading. Getting out of our comfort zones and sometimes even putting ourselves in slightly terrifying situations. Obviously safe ones though - lets not jump in a barrel and go over the Niagara Falls because that's just silly. But you get my gist. There's a lot of opportunity out there and more importantly within yourself. To find it, you've got to try. But you will. Even if you're not expecting much.