New word: Comfortablity

I'm not normally a particularly anti-social person. I'll talk to people, I'll go out with friends and I'll stay in the company of others. If anything, I'm completely the opposite of "anti-social". However, today has been different. Well... lately it's been different.

Yeah, yeah, today I've been setting up this silly little blogging page and procrastinating beyond belief, but I'm still determined just to stay in my room. To be honest, it's no abnormality for a teenager to hide away from their parents when they can. Certainly not with me in recent weeks. I used to hate being on my own. I used to have to do homework in the kitchen or hallway so that I always had people walking past me because I loved company that much. People meant so much to me. Now I just constantly want to be on my own. Unless I'm with a select few. My "friendship group" at school had slowly become more and more separated so there are groups within the group. Never really made sense to me.

I think the problem is this: being too comfortable. And no, I don't mean that my memory foam mattress is so damn comfortable that I can't bear to leave it's warmth and utter cosy-ness (even though that is how I feel in the mornings), but more that we find a place in life and just keep it that way. For example, I have a couple of friends in this "friendship group" that I haven't really spoken to in months so why are they still in my group? Or rather, why am I still in theirs? I think it's because I DO talk to two or three of those friends on a regular basis. And so rather than us moving away and making a friendship group of our own we find it safer to stay where we are. No, I'm not just rambling about how much the concept of friendship confuses me, as that was simply an example - I am merely pointing out how easy it is to get comfortable and play it safe. 

So here I am in my bedroom, sitting on my bed. I'm comfortable and playing it safe. That's how I see it. I'm not tackling the world, nor do I need to. Instead, I'm doing anything to avoid tackling people. People frustrate me. And if you know me, you know full well that's what I think. They get angry for no reason, upset at the smallest things and then think they have the right to turn around and judge you. Now, if any of you are reading this, parents included, I don't need someone to sit down with me to "talk about my feelings". Nothing's wrong with me. The only difference between me and the next girl is that I don't care about people knowing about how I feel. Not anymore. This is no cause for you to play the hero and save me from any and every bad feeling I have, I already have that person. Just had to get that straight.

So they are my confusing thoughts. Read them again. Ponder them. Make your own your own opinions and see how comfortable you are. You might not even realise it.

Bye for now :)