Thursday, 30 May 2013

Life's a Game

"Life's a game"

That's how I've chosen to see my life. Y'see, over the years I've discovered that the ball game can change in an instant. One second you're happy, thinking one thing and at the next moment it's all changed so you don't know what to do next. This has happened numerous times in my life. These little changes come along to knock you into going a completely different route. Yep, bloody complicated game, I tell yah. 

You can choose to see it as a game that you want to ignore, or you could just go along with it. Personally, I intend on enjoying it as much as I can and win. WIN. I may not win the little challenges along the way, but I'll win the big one. I'm not going to let those stupid challenges rule my life, or dictate how much I'm going to enjoy it. Instead, I'll let them happen, and somehow use them to my advantage. And one day, when metaphorically picking up one of those chance cards like you get in Monopoly, I might actually get a pleasant surprise. And for that reason there's no reason to avoid taking from that pile.

Yesterday I found out that my family have two months to move out of the rented house we're in now, to a new one. At first I was slightly anxious at the prospect of finding somewhere in such a small amount of time, and also a shocked. I wasn't expecting it. It was a game change. But really, is it that bad? I mean, I love the house I'm in at the moment, but a change could be good. And maybe it means I'll move closer to my Dad's house or generally be closer to, um, certain people. And that would certainly come in useful. Really, I know we've got to move. And that we've got 2 months. But I'm not going to worry - after all, there's nothing I can do about it. Therefore, it's best to embrace it, and take what good I can from it. Otherwise I'll actually turn into the miserable bitch some people think I am. 

Another thing with games, is that you have a say in them. Quite a bit is actually up to you. Woahhh! Life is just the same. We can never have complete control of what happens in life because we're not gods; and we have to remember that other people with their own lives surround us in everyday life. If you and the next person both wanted the same thing, you'd get it, but unfortunately that isn't usually that simple.That's where you've got to have respect for other people. Just a bit ;) You've got to remember that even though your game is difficult, their game isn't necessarily easier. 

That was such a terrible mash-up of thoughts.Sorry. I do hope it actually does make sense. Bet it doesn't... Oh crap. Oh well. I've said what I wanted to say... kind of. Ugh, now I just need to stop talking before I look anymore stupid. I'll probably post something tomorrow. 

Goodbye m'lovelies. :)

Tuesday, 28 May 2013


Dreams: A dream can include any of the images, thoughts and emotions that are experienced during sleep. Dreams can be extraordinarily vivid or very vague; filled with joyful emotions or frightening imagery; focused and understandable or unclear and confusing.

Dreams are things that most people love. They enable us to go to places that don't exist, places too wonderful for others to see; and they're exclusive to the one dreaming. It is said that we dream every night, however only some remember every dream. Some people would call that lucky. 

I am not one of those people.

I hate dreams. They whisk you off to some unknown place where anything and everything happens. You have no warning if something's about to go wrong or if some unwelcome person is about to appear. In dreams you have no control - you're asleep. Some people say you can control your dreams, but I strongly disagree. Often, my dreams conjure up people I've left behind, or blocked out - the people I've chosen to not be involved with. My dreams can take me back to places I've been before and twist my own memories of those places so that in a years time I'm not sure whether something actually really did happen or not. I'm not crazy. A lot of you are probably in the same position, or, if you're not, your brain obviously works differently to mine.

A majority of my dreams are seen to me as nightmares. No, they do not include ghosts and ghouls, witches and warcraft, good vs evil etc. Instead, they are what most people call a "good dream". My problem is that I've had the dream in the first place. For example, the other day I had a dream, woke up in the early hours of the morning and sent a text that said this: "Dude, my dream said things which I hope aren't honest. Regardless of it if they currently means something. Which we won't. I swear." Now, I'm blaming the utter incoherence on the fact that I had just woken up. The main point is that something from that dream bothered me enough to drive me to attempt to text someone about it, promising "we won't" do whatever the dream signified. I was confused, in this sleepy state, as to whether my dream was telling the truth, when I now know it's just a made up fantasy. They confuse me. So much. And I hate not understanding something made up by my own brain.

Sigmund Freud, seen as one of the founders of psychology, came up with idea that we dream using our 'id', "centering our dreams around pleasures, desires, unchecked urges and wish fulfillment". In a sense this is true. Our dreams enable us to do things which would hardly be possible in reality (e.g. flying). 

Here are some other theories:

  • Dreams are the result of our brains trying to interpret external stimuli during sleep. For example, the sound of the radio may be incorporated into the content of a dream.
  • Dreams serve to 'clean up' clutter from the mind, much like clean-up operations in a computer, refreshing the mind to prepare for the next day.
  • The idea of psychotherapy - that the dreamer is able to make connections between different thoughts and emotions in a safe environment. 
  • Loose connections between thoughts and ideas are linked and then guided by the emotions of the dreamer.
I've heard about every one of these, and it is likely that in many case each one is true, in some respect. However, it cannot be proved. So here's another theory:

"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches, whatever you wish for, you keep." - Cinderella

Yep. Cinderella. But think about it... "A dream is a wish" links to Freud's theory, "your heart makes" links to both Freud's and the third bullet point. "In dreams you will lose your heartaches" suggests the ideas of bullet points two and three, "whatever you wish for, you keep." brings ideas from bullet point four, as well as Freud's theory. The only one not mentioned here in the first bullet point, which I know myself is partially true as a choir of angel popped into my dream when Nan turned on Classic FM one Sunday morning.

Here's the last theory for you to read:

"A dream is a movie which allows the dreamer to see what they're thinking about in a much more vivid way."

That's my theory. Because it's true. And thought's are influenced by our wishes, emotions, environment and what we've done that day. It's that simple. I don't see why people try and work out what they mean or buy dream catchers to help them sleep better at night, because all a dream is, is you thinking in colour. Unless you dream in black and white... Hmmm... That's awkward.
I still hate them though. Maybe my thoughts and feelings are just all over the place. Maybe I just don't know how to think or what to feel. Maybe that's why my dreams are so confusing, so uncontrollable. I will forever ponder this. I will forever wish that I didn't dream... Hey! Do you think that if dreams display what you wish, if I wish not dreaming enough it'll work?! Probably not... Oh well...


Monday, 27 May 2013

New word: Comfortablity

I'm not normally a particularly anti-social person. I'll talk to people, I'll go out with friends and I'll stay in the company of others. If anything, I'm completely the opposite of "anti-social". However, today has been different. Well... lately it's been different.

Yeah, yeah, today I've been setting up this silly little blogging page and procrastinating beyond belief, but I'm still determined just to stay in my room. To be honest, it's no abnormality for a teenager to hide away from their parents when they can. Certainly not with me in recent weeks. I used to hate being on my own. I used to have to do homework in the kitchen or hallway so that I always had people walking past me because I loved company that much. People meant so much to me. Now I just constantly want to be on my own. Unless I'm with a select few. My "friendship group" at school had slowly become more and more separated so there are groups within the group. Never really made sense to me.

I think the problem is this: being too comfortable. And no, I don't mean that my memory foam mattress is so damn comfortable that I can't bear to leave it's warmth and utter cosy-ness (even though that is how I feel in the mornings), but more that we find a place in life and just keep it that way. For example, I have a couple of friends in this "friendship group" that I haven't really spoken to in months so why are they still in my group? Or rather, why am I still in theirs? I think it's because I DO talk to two or three of those friends on a regular basis. And so rather than us moving away and making a friendship group of our own we find it safer to stay where we are. No, I'm not just rambling about how much the concept of friendship confuses me, as that was simply an example - I am merely pointing out how easy it is to get comfortable and play it safe

So here I am in my bedroom, sitting on my bed. I'm comfortable and playing it safe. That's how I see it. I'm not tackling the world, nor do I need to. Instead, I'm doing anything to avoid tackling people. People frustrate me. And if you know me, you know full well that's what I think. They get angry for no reason, upset at the smallest things and then think they have the right to turn around and judge you. Now, if any of you are reading this, parents included, I don't need someone to sit down with me to "talk about my feelings". Nothing's wrong with me. The only difference between me and the next girl is that I don't care about people knowing about how I feel. Not anymore. This is no cause for you to play the hero and save me from any and every bad feeling I have, I already have that person. Just had to get that straight.

So they are my confusing thoughts. Read them again. Ponder them. Make your own your own opinions and see how comfortable you are. You might not even realise it.

Bye for now :)

What on Earth am I about to write..?

A couple of you will be wondering why the hell I'm doing a blog. And in a sense, so am I. I mean, I'm hardly an interesting person and writing my thoughts down online could be quite a bad idea, but oh well. I'm doing this.

I turned 16 yesterday (and for all you pedo's out there, you can just go away) and suddenly this idea of blogging came to mind. I wanted to vlog originally but really, I found I have nothing to talk about or I just get extremely boring. So really, there's no point to this blog at all besides a little idea that sprung into Sarah's crazy mind yesterday evening. There's no big master plan behind this, no structure, no theme, nothing. I write what I want, when I want and people can read it. I'll try not to use profanity, but if I do, I apologise in advance if it offends. In actual fact, let's make this a new paragraph...

If I write something that offends you, don't start spreading crap about me. Talk to me about it. Or just accept that it's MY OPINION. I have the privilege to voice it so let me. Yep, you have the same privilege, but have a bit of respect, yeah? In terms of offending people - I never intend to do so. See? I'm not as much of a bitch as some of you think I am. Sometimes stuff comes out wrong, or can be interpreted in the wrong way. If that's the case? Sorry in advance. It'll no doubt happen. But that's no reason to start a war. Let's be mature here.

So that's it for now. I need to go revise some boring rubbish for GCSE's. Whoo! So fun. Enjoy your day... I'll probably post something else later on. No promises. Bye :)